Monday, April 2, 2012 A Loose Grip On The Wheel
One of my greatest challenges in running Spirit Blade Productions is keeping a loose grip on the steering wheel. God has changed my course so many times in my adult life. Many times that I've been convinced that I'm going where God wants me, he seems to change my course in ways I never would have expected.
In broad strokes, I'm getting used to this a little. If God made it crystal clear that I was supposed to leave Spirit Blade Productions behind and focus on something else, I would do it and probably not be shattered. (Don't worry. I have never, to my knowledge, received a single indication from God that I should abandon what I'm doing, and have no reason to think I will.)
The harder thing for me is to have my short-term expectations forced to change, which happens very frequently because of my part-time work as a substitute teacher. Any given weekday morning I may get a phone call in the early hours, or even halfway through my day, that forces me to drop everything and run off to a high school.
Prepping for that recording session tomorrow? Answering e-mails? Studying for, writing and then posting the weekly "In Search Of Truth" segment? Nothing is safe.
Although I spend the vast majority of my time in a year working on things for Spirit Blade Productions, my time is not my own. I may want to pursue professional excellence and present a reliable online presence for my company. Yet my part-time job doesn't care, and repeatedly I have to see my plans dashed to pieces without warning. Almost six years in and I still haven't gotten used to it.
There are also seasons of sudden "bursts" in my subbing activity. This will be the third consecutive week in which I have only one day free to work on SBP related tasks. (The rest of this week is already spoken for by Mesa Public Schools.)
I'm so grateful that God continues to provide me with work that is needed to complete our family budget. But the necessity for it remains incredibly difficult for me to cope with emotionally, when I feel so strongly called to serve Christ in reaching out to the forgotten geek community. (Yes, even Paul made tents to pay the rent. But knowing that hasn't made things much easier for me yet.)
Anyway, I'm not sitting here having a pity party. (That was 4 hours ago for about 5-10 minutes.) But I thought I'd share a little "behind the scenes" look at my efforts in running this little company. Still, your prayers are greatly valued, and if you find yourself compelled, you can ask God to help me value HIS idea of "success" and desire only what he has for me on any given day, in any given moment, rather than what I THINK I should be doing.
If God permits, I'll meet you back here Wednesday for "In Search Of Truth"!